and we have a winner...

and maybe not just ONE winner.

the mood over here has definitely shifted.

i forgot to let abigail draw a name before bedtime.

you know, "a bit behind" and all that...

but after much discussion and debate... i thought of a solution.

(more of atlanta session: 3/09. i wanted you to see just how happy and cute those three are.)

my decision was that

i would let my big boys help me.

they look trustworthy, right? at least sorta, right?

oh, why is that adorable little angel in between them? well... the boys represent the choosers of the winners and she represents the prize:

music. happy wonderful music. doesn't she make you think of that?

she's also my perfect little niece. 

and she is also one of the good things in this world that remind us that the bad won't always be here.

so the boys each chose a random number between 1-28. 

they were nervous.

they wondered who was in the contest.

(they never saw the list of comments~ i promise it was random.)

they asked if they could win too.

 then they asked what the winner would receive.

(i guess winning sometimes is the prize in itself.)

and then they chose.

drum roll please.

nic chose number 10 and oliver chose number 17.

we are very, very, very happy for you.

abigail and i especially are.

i made this banner especially for you:

 i really want to give all of you a cd.

but i don't have that much dough.

so those of you who didn't win... head on over to lala.com and find THE WEEPIES.

your first listen is free on lala. 

please go ahead and fall in love with them. ;)

i also want you to know how much i have LOVED reading your comments.

oh my.

to those who sing hymns all day, i want to sit in your house and relax.

i think there is something special about you.

and then there are many new songs and artists 

that you mentioned as YOUR favorites that i haven't heard.

i can't wait for some down time to search them out.

some of you made me laugh... and sing songs that i don't want to sing.

namely, the dinosaur train song and gold digger.

(i've never heard it, but i'm not sure that i want to. HA!)

(but i love your honesty)

and to those who were/are also feeling melancholy with me~

my prayer is that the most beautiful song that ever was

will be the loudest song you hear.

thank you for being honest on this little blog and reminding me that i am not alone.

reach out. share your story. give. and remember that you matter very much.

(claudine and scott: email me so i can mail your new WEEPIES cd to you.)

a very melancoly blog post that ends with a gift.

today i am thinking about heavier things.

so much is broken.
so many are sad.

 and at times it just feels so heavy.

(these kids~ triplets!!~ are the CUTEST and HAPPIEST kids...
but i just loved their pensive looks for this post)

(march/09: photo session in atlanta, ga)

don't get me wrong~

i'm still making mac&cheese,

still wiping bottoms,

still running to baseball games

still organizing playdates,

still planning birthday parties,

and still tucking sweet little faces into bed.

but heavy still lurks in the corners.

my mom fell, cut her head and had to get staples put in.

my brother had a seizure (he has type I diabetes).

my sister is struggling through her first trimester of sickness.

(don't worry, everybody is okay now.)

i miss my family and i want to be able to drive to see them.

to help them.

to scoop up my nephews and nieces and give their mamas and daddys a break.

(march 09: time with family)

 but i am here.
hoping to visit there soon...

and then beyond my family, so many of you have difficult situations.

there is so much that isn't the way it's supposed to be.

financial strain. sickness. loneliness. pain.

even my own heart doesn't function the way i want it to.

 but i believe in hope.

i have to.

a kind of hope that reminds us
that all that is broken,
will someday be restored.

 (march 09: photos by keri walker)

and that there is a possibility of redemption in even the darkest places of this world.
this is THE story i believe in.

but until then,
do you ever notice how in the midst of feeling heavy,

one little thing will happen that sort of just brightens things?

like maybe a new flower grows?

or someone brings you a coffee?

or you hear kids giggling in another room?

(summer 09: laurelhurst park, or)

or a friend says they're coming for a visit?
or you simply really connect with a song?

today, i want to do something lighthearted.
i'm wanting to give something to you.
possibly brighten your day.
by giving away one of my favorite things.

it is my gift to one of you:

come on take it... come on take it...

take it from me... (heh)

the weepies: say i am you

it feels good to give something away.

all you need to do is leave a comment on this post.

tell me one of your favorite songs to sing while you're alone.

and leave your email address.

(also, if you have this album and would like hideaway instead, just say so.)

that's it.

something for almost nothing. ;)

(i forgot to add: one winner, randomly drawn, one entry per person,
and i'll let abigail draw the winner on monday 7 pacific time.)

the (three year old's) simple life.

we had our dear friends visiting from california this weekend.
most of the time, it was blissful chaos... exploring the city, relishing in dear friendships, feeding ourselves and seven children on our favorite portland foods.

one hawthorne pizza place we dined in thought for sure we had intended to be at chuck E cheese instead.
(it was wishful thinking on their part.)

one sweet moment over the weekend, among many, was this:
elliot and sweet lila kate going up the winding slide.

and up.

and up.

and up.

and up.
giggling.

knowing that DOWN was coming any moment.
any second.

the effort was totally worth it.
elliot was bound to plow into sweet lila kate and they would both go tumbling back down the slide.
in sheer joy.

most good things don't get old.

old friendships certainly don't.

and new little ones either.

this morning, i woke in my bed listing to these two discussing our dog's name: STELLA.
(neither can quite pronounce her name.)

here is how the conversation went:
e: her name not "TELDA, it's STELDA."
lk: no! her name is not "TELDA, it's TELLA."

over and over (like the slide) they were happily correcting each others' mispronunciations.
one not able to say the "s" in stella, the other not doing the "ll" sound.
all in all... the sweetest things.

perhaps children are with us in the world to help us.

things can be so serious.
dark.
painful.

but not on a winding slide holding two wobbly bundles of joy.

in this moment,
everything is colorful and clear.

and falling down is actually a part of the plan.
if only we could get up and giggle like they do.

(thanks for visiting~ we love you guys!)

baseball tonight.

not the show.

real little league.

portland style.

nic slid into home to score a run.

on his first time up to bat.

it was awesome. 10 year old boy style.

this sign was definitely my personal highlight of the night.

oliver made it in five minutes~ as soon as he heard about the game.

okay. stella was a highlight too. because she was so pretty.

abigail and elliot just did whatever they wanted.

bikes, jump rope, play ground,

and mud.

there is always mud to be found.

look closely at their pants.

and shoes.

fun times.

and here we go into another baseball season.

i have absolutely no idea how in the world we're going to keep up with this added into our schedule.

one kid.

ONE sport.

i know many of you have done TONS more than that.

actually, i have done tons more than that, but i'm totally out of practice.

and our lives here seem busier.

*sigh*

as i drove home tonight with four tired, muddy kids

i tried to imagine what my life is going to look like in four, six, or eight years...

when ALL FOUR of my kids have schedules like this.

i think i'm going to have nightmares tonight.

rethink the frame... the sequel.

here are my canvas wraps on the wall!!!

the kids have all been BEGGING to go back to the exact same spot on the beach 

since they saw these... it brings us all happy memories to see them!

and i swear, i could order tons of these canvases.

i especially love the square.

imagine four or six of them on the wall together! so cool.

(i printed these through mpix... a company i recommend to clients when printing their own.)

(my usual printing is done through various printing companies for photographers.)

i thought you might also be interested in seeing some alternative ways

to print without the frame...

that look great, but don't quite cost as much as canvas.

this one of abigail (below) is printed on what we call a "standout."

and by "we" i mean the people who print them. not me.

this one is printed on 3/4" standout. (you can also order 1.5")

it feels like the weight of corkboard, but less dense 

and the sides are wrapped in black (or white) to give it a finished look.

they come ready to hang with holes in the back...

pop a nail in the wall and it's up!

brian prefers that it's level. he will notice if it's not.

i will not notice. we're a good team.

i'm still working on where to put everything in our house.

we're nearing on our home ownership anniversary, but i still feel like i'm moving in.

brian and stella just wanted to be in a picture.

they were feeling left out.

the photo below is a newer addition too:

(LOVE it!!)

we like to call this one "mounted on styrene."

i call it:

"pleasantly sturdy... able to be propped on a shelf without a frame."

i also call it:

"makes a mama happy to see it."

it is really thin (2mm), as you can see above so it also is able to be put into a frame...

for those of you who love frames.

or already have them.

or like to buy them.

it feels like a really dense plastic.

you can also print your flying children on it

and set it high above everyone's heads.

(this is above one of our doors)

nice effect. ;)

and what to do with all those old frames???

i just put some of the kids drawings and paintings into them and gave them a special place on the wall.

one of them doesn't even have a glass front anymore.

can you tell?

the bottom black frame is abigail's drawing of a chicken with a camera above it's head.

she created it about a year ago when we lived with chickens...

the camera was a special touch that made me feel loved.

okay.

that's enough.

i'm not a decorator.

and i need to go clean out our basement so the concrete drilling can commence.

(another story for another time.)

oh man.

rethink the frame.

i am SO, SO excited!

i finally ordered CANVAS WRAP prints for us!

i just unwrapped them... with the help of my three year old assistant.

and i want you all to see them.

it's like having a new piece of art up on the wall~

although. 

they're not on the wall yet.

but here they are:

(16x16, 16x24, and 8x10)

(8x10 reenactment was the three year old's idea.) 

(all taken on our trip to the oregon coast~ 9/09)

see what an awesome statement the big prints make?

i'll update this post with a view of them on the wall once we get them there.

i'm not sure that the little one will go with the others yet...

but i wanted to show you the size variations and how bigger looks better.

also, i wanted you all to see how nicely canvas wraps look~

don't you agree??

and how great non-traditional prints can look.

we don't always have to have our kids faces in the pictures to really get a sense of who they are.

and for the print to look beautiful.

(i'm so in love with the first one... it's of the boys doing their thing... 

exploring together...worlds away from the rest of us.)

easter.

the weather in portland can be moody. especially this time of year.

i know because i've lived here for one year and three days.

and because i can be moody~ so i recognize another like me.

people say that the winter can be rough~ with weeks of no sun breaks.

our first winter seemed mild compared to what i was bracing myself for.

and then february hit. 

it was beautiful.

with glimpses of spring bursting forth.

and my pregnant friend came to visit.

and all i could think about was new life.
and hope.
and redemption.

like new life growing from tired weary soil.

like a neighbor playing their music for the sidewalks to hear.

beauty in all of the unlikely places.

on one glorious day in particular (one of the first of the season), 

a neighbor was walking down the street and we shared our joy over the weather.

and she said something like this:

"days like today make me believe that spring really will come."

and i thought about that. 

a lot.

maybe that is exactly what god is saying to all of us.

as he brings new life forth right before our eyes...

SPRING will come. 

SPRING will come.

i think i heard that today.

easter.

and even though it wasn't the most sunny beautiful spring-y easter,

i have hope.

the rains will cease.

death will be dead.

pain will end.

alone will never be again.

we live in a messy world~

and things often aren't the way they are supposed to be.

one day that will change.

i've also been encouraged by reading this:

Not the Way It's Supposed to Be : A Breviary of Sin

sorry i didn't put up pictures of plastic eggs and my cute children.

i'm not sure if you all will survive without it. ;)