good friday | 4.22.11

i lost my temper again this morning.

i was too late, too stressed, too tired.

and i was mean to the little ones i love so dearly.

often, the mornings are when i see my ugliness most clearly.

i can be so quick tempered.

angry.

unkind.

though i try so hard to appear beautiful,

it's obvious i'm a broken person.

one who does the very thing i don't want to do

and doesn't do the thing i desperately do want to do.

i'm a cracked vessel.

some of my crevices run deeper than i'm willing to admit.

and contain more dirt and muck than i want to see.

but jesus sees.

and he was willing to be broken

for my brokenness. 

he was willing to be

ripped from his perfect relationship with god- his father.

ripped from his perfect home.

ripped from his perfect record.

so that this broken vessel-

that i-

could be filled with his beauty.

this is not always easy for me to believe.

but god gives me eyes to see it.

and in those moments when i do,

my entire way of being

is changed.

covered.

filled.

made beautiful.

good friday

is a dark day.

 christians remember it

so that we are not tempted to think

it was unnecessary.

that we're not that bad-

or that we can fill our own broken souls.

it is a dark day,

but it is good.

indeed.